If You Fancy... Try These Naughty, Buttery Balls...

If You Fancy... Try These Naughty Buttery Balls...

('Patent'-Pending Rolls Recipe)

"Too much time away from the kitchen can breed bad taste and an unfortunate affinity for an appreciation of canned biscuits." Tamara Young ~

The other day one my gorgeous girlfriends referred to herself as 'The Fat Barbie,' (not even). As we chuckled and toasted to get thin quick schemes with Dirty Girl Scouts (an oreo cookie and cream de mint cocoa martini concoction). She's a 'rock-star' baking enthusiast. But, we agreed, generally speaking of homemade rolls, does anyone make them anymore? And that's rolls, the ones that rise and stretch -- though not to be confused with the ones that my sommelier, Fresco noticed recently, clinging helplessly to my waistline and garishly screaming, "Get some spanks b!#$%, and shut up."

Where was I when that unflattering menace moved in? Fresco confessed, "You were probably eating your rolls." The hiiiiilarious fourth-generation, co-proprietor of a scrumptious bakery/winery prefers his rolls (and everything else), soaked in Sebastiani "Casa de Sonoma." But why not, the 2007 displays high notes of minerality and green apple and a dollop of stone fruit (apricots and peaches.

Anyhoo, Sebastiani wine lovers will love a glass or two as they prepare my love handles, sprinkled with an American version of grated Parmesan herbs and garlic salt. Deliciously indulgent and yummy as ever. When Grandma GiGi made them, the tippie-toe 3ft., version of me, didn't quite appreciate the effort. Those buttery balls, magically descended on every dinner table and, I could barely see above the mahogany Jacobean legs they perched on. (Jacobean: Term used to cover all English style furniture from the reign of King James,to King James II. Think of historical England, and grandeur.)

These days, thirty or so years later, I'm the vessel in my domestically-challenged generation, and family, championing the art of bread baking, homemade pie crusts, biscuits and rolls from scratch. Luckily for my hubby, this time honored (albeit time-consuming), tradition lost on so many, feels so organic to me and I ritualistically defer to its aromatic lure, weekly during my reign, with or without the dirty sprinklings.

Here's my secret for all you naughty, chubby, gorgeous gourmands. -- I fancy the making of three balls -- lacquered in butter, twice... (made while wearing the highest stilettos with just a touch of patent and the opaquest of hose).

Heat kitchen; Turn on oven to heat up kitchen so kitchen is warm and aids in the rising process.

1 package of rapid yeast (*Buy yeast in bulk and save, visit our store)
1 c of warm 110 degree water (*Buy thermometer, visit our store)
1/2 c sugar
2 tsp salt
2 eggs room temperature and beaten
3/4 stick of melted butter
1 cup of milk scorched/scald then cooled to warm (that is, to bring it nearly to a boil (185°F, 85°C, or more), preferably in a thick-bottomed pan.
5 c flour ( or more)

2, 12 cup muffin pans buttered generously (Yields 24 rolls) (*Buy pans at our store)

Add water to yeast. Set it aside until the yeast dissolves and turns bubbly and creamy -- sort of frothy. Next add sugar, salt, eggs, milk, then melted butter and mix slowly just until combined. Slowly add in flour, one cup at at time. Use the dough hook to knead in an electric stand mixer on low for five minutes until it becomes a shaggy sticky mass. You don't want it dry out, otherwise add a few drops of water scraping the bowl and hook to create a soft dough and mix a bit more.)

Turn down dough onto a floured work surface/ counter top (preferably cold) Flour your clean hands, and press the dough down again and again, folding it, then knead with hands an additional three to five minutes. Add more flour as needed. Consistency should be stretchy. But shaped into a big beautiful boule as Juila would say, or a ball. Transfer to a large buttered bowl. Cover with plastic wrap or warm towel for 1 1/2 hours, until doubled in bulk.

Scoop out a small spoonful or scoop out with fingers, and barely press down and roll under your palms, then sprinkle with the dirty: (a savory parmasean cheese, garlic salt, dried italian herbs) and shape into balls. Transfer 3 each to buttered muffin pans.

Cover pans for 45 minutes with warm damp cloth or plastic and place over a steaming pan of water. (Not cooking on the stovetop.)

After risen (Not before) Generously brush each pan of dough with melted butter, then bake at 415 degrees for 10 - 15 minutes.

Remove from oven and brush with butter again, immediately.
Rolls are divine, even without the dirty and served with an even naughtier strawberry preserve and amaretto butter!

For more than a decade, the Tastemaker and Travelista has been edutaining foodies & travel lovers with her 'Best Of' Yumacular Giftaculars seen on ABC, NBC and FOX news. The freelance award-winning writer, pens her enviable coastal seeking culinary adventures for iconic and recognizable magazines and high-profile publications. Her Culinary Memoir and Travelogue Calendar will be published, fall 2010. Bookings: yum@shopfoodandtravel.com and learn more about Tamara, at: http://www.youtube.com/tastesandtours

*Shopping List for This Post: Thermometer, Baking Pans, Yeast